Best laid plans

To varying degrees everyone I know seems to suffer from a touch of OCD or at least irrational behaviour. I just might have it worse than others and here's my confessional; maybe it will be therapeutic. I will push the front door about 10 times to make sure it is closed. When I get a glass or cup out of the cupboard (that's already been through the dishwasher) I will wash it before using it. Even if my wife rinses it before my eyes and hands it to me, much to her amusement, I will wash it again. If I have to open a door at work I try to open it by using the part of the handle that I calculate the least number of other people would have touched. This also usually involves pinching the handle between the tips of 2 fingers right at the very top so I can open it with the least amount of my skin making contact. We have a set of Spanish coffee mugs that either say mañana, tarde or noche (morning, afternoon, night). I can only drink from the mañana one in the morning, the tarde one in the afternoon... Give me a coffee in the morning in the noche mug and you're in for a big sulk.

So why am I exposing myself (well that's another story! Ed <-- future employers: this bit is a joke!) like this? Well since I took up cycling as a sport I've noticed I behave totally irrationally when getting ready to go out for a ride. Want to race me up the Tourmalet? I concede - you win. Fancy a faffing competition? Your ass is mine (well that's another story! Ed <-- future employers: this means 'I will beat you easily' not... well you know).

This morning I planned to do the following: go out for around 2 1/2 to 3 hours and then loop back to join the club ride as usual. This should have given me about 6 hours total riding time by the time I got home. So, up at 6am, dress, take trousers off again (they were inside out), wake wife to ask her where the cereal is (sorry guapa), eat bowl of cereal, make and drink coffee, pack energy bar and a gel, rinse already clean water bottle, fill water bottle, empty water bottle, fill water bottle, add energy powder to water bottle, go through bike check (this usually involves banging the wheels to ensure they are attached properly and squeezing the tyres), pack saddle bag, unpack saddle bag, switch to other saddle bag, realise other saddle bag's attachment is broken, switch back to the first saddle bag, stuff waterproof jacket into back pocket, take it out again...

I think you've got the picture now if you haven't stopped reading already. I eventually managed to faff for over an hour and didn't leave the house until 7.15. I then stuck to my original plan and crossed the border into Surrey to try a different route and completely miscalculated how long it would take me to get back to Crystal Palace. In my hurry to make the start I missed the turning to one of the meeting points and ended up so close to my house I decided to call it a day. Gutted.

Oh well, another lesson learnt: in future I will prepare the night before a long ride. It might help me get out of the house quicker, or maybe not...

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley,
An'lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!